But when they ask you how much you want back, you know something is seriously amiss.

Unfortunately, that was the situation when we visited Citrus Cafe, an establishment in thriving downtown Studentville.

In terms of business prospects, it's got everything going for it: a couldn't-miss-it-if-you-tried spot on North Lane; tons of passing trade, a large interior and a bar upstairs.

There's even an attractive outside seating area, hemmed in by Mediterranean-style planters sprouting aromatic rosemary bushes.

Sadly, that's where the pros end.

It's not only the staff that let Citrus down but the food as well.

I remember being impressed with the curly spicy fries a few years ago – they were different, a tasty twist on an old classic.

But several years on, they're still on the menu, although looking more like straight-from-the-freezer twizzlers.

Inside, it's clean but basic, so we opted to sit outside and were told someone would be out shortly.

They weren't. After ten minutes, I went to order drinks and remind them we were outside.

Twenty minutes later, still no-one had been to see us.

I went in again and ordered our food: a chicken burger with pasta side salad and curly fries for me and a meatball melt with a side of Dutch fries for my dining partner.

Almost an hour after we walked into the place, our food finally arrived. And it was wrong.

The chicken burger was not, in fact, a burger, but three of the thickest, driest chicken pieces I have ever attempted to eat, shoved between a ciabatta with a scraping of mayo.

It was impossible to eat without dismantling. And there was no pasta in the side salad.

When I queried this, I was told they had "run out" (hint to the owners: pasta is relatively easy to come by, there's a supermarket nearby) and was told 50p had already been knocked off my bill. It hadn't.

When I went to pay, I ended up in the ridiculous position of being asked how much money I wanted off the bill. (Er, for asking that question, all of it!?).

And I've not so far mentioned the fact my partner's food was almost cold.

All this was on a lazy Saturday afternoon when they were practically empty.

I can't imagine what happens if they ever get busy – but Citrus is likely to continue simply because it is where it is.

RATING 1/5